The Beloved Space

Forever finding my way back

Hi, I’m  Sarah Jo

I have a husband, a house, a business, and a blue heeler.
I have so many things. And yet, here I am. Looking. Seeking. Trying to find the place I feel like my whole self.

I wish I didn’t have bipolar disorder. I wish I was steady and reliable and consistent. I wish I didn’t have to contain my moods to make others comfortable. I wish I could fine a place to be…all of me.

I don’t need a place to find nice words or inspiration. I don’t need a place to be impressive.  I don’t need a place to put a polish on my daily life.

I need this space. This beloved space where I can be raw, vulnerable, and completely ridiculous. And every time I find this place, I realize it’s exactly where I am, have been, and will be.

You are welcome here, but please know, what fits nicely on me might be a bit snug around your shoulders. Exploring your mental health can feel strange. Don’t be surprised if you find my words uncomfortable.

With that in mind…

I hope I can help you. I hope my struggles help you see you aren’t alone. I hope my failures and successes are yours. I hope you can cry with me, laugh with me, and feel incredibly uncomfortable with me.

If you are living with mental illness, start here. If you love someone living with a mental illness, start here. And if you don’t like my work, please file your complaints here.

Read

Three Weeks Unemployed

I've had some really wonderful people worrying about me lately. And I totally get it, I'm writing some sad things. But I wanted to let everyone know, that I'm really ok. The fact that I'm writing all these things means I'm doing really well. I'm so aware of my own...

Patterns

I've always been a believer in journaling. As a kid I hoped that after I died, someone would compile my journals into a book that would wow the nations with the incredible adventures of a boring  midwestern girl. (I think I just really wanted attention) But it's a...

How to Help

In honor of world suicide prevention day, it seems appropriate to talk about how to help someone struggling with suicidal thoughts. Here's some ideas on what to do if a friend lets you know they are depressed, sad, anxious, or having dark thoughts. Positive...

When Being Alive Hurts

I have nothing worthwhile to share today. My heart feels heavy, like it's sitting two inches lower in my chest. My brain feels full. Growing tight and uncomfortable as it screams for more space. My shoulders are collapsed. Defeated and unable to stand up for...

When I Try Too Hard

After days of numbness, of being down, my mood finally shifted this morning. By 8:00am the chemicals in my brain were buzzing. And like a characteristically mentally ill person, I baked chicken and mixed up some Rice-a-Roni for breakfast. I drank two cups of coffee...

Maybe I’m Not Dreaming

I'm a big dreamer. I'm an ENFP. I scored high in ideation and have experienced a real-life love story. I was a cheerleader in high school and love getting hyped up on dreams and how magical the future could be. And I use the word magical in every-day conversation....

The Mean Reds

And so begins the down-swing. The mean reds showed up yesterday morning and they haven't left yet. Here's the only thing I managed to write yesterday. So it finally happened. Three days into funemployment I'm sitting on my couch at 2:30 pantless, eating ice cream, and...

Why Beloved

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine," Song of Solomon 6:3 About a week before my hospital stay, I was wandering around a darling little shop in Columbia. It's filled with beautiful little handmade nicknacks and furniture. There is glitter and paint and book and...

How to Ask for Help

The amount of love that surrounded me yesterday was breathtaking. Everyone who reached out, or even just read my post, you are the reason the world will continue to become a better place. There are so many who struggle or at least identify with a darkness or an...

Reflections

As I sit here on my back porch. Listening to my dogs bark and whine about the neighborhood noises, I find my self reflecting on where I was just one year ago. I lived in a comfy duplex with my sister and best friend. I was gainfully employed and loved my work. I...

Copyright © 2016 Sarah Jo Crawford. All rights reserved.