About a year ago I was looking into buying a new car. My 2003 Ford Taurus wasn’t really fitting my lifestyle anymore, and by lifestyle, I mean I was sick of getting stranded every time there was a light dusting of snow.
So I researched new vehicles. I had decided on a red SUV or crossover. Totes adorbs. And my dog would have a more comfy ride.
I decided to wait a few more weeks before making the purchase, to watch for any good deals. One day, during that waiting period, I was sitting at an intersection in Boris the Taurus, and a shiny black SUV zoomed past me.
By shiny black SUV, I mean silky, sexy, see-my-own-reflection black car. It was gorgeous. And in that moment, I thought to myself Oh no. I don’t want a red car, maybe I want a black car.
Needless to say, this was a traumatic moment. Which color did I actually want? The black car was so stunning! How could I go on living without having a black car?!?! And what about the RED CAR?!
And then I thought, do I need to own a black shiny, sexy, batmobile to appreciate the slinky, black exterior?
Does it need to be in my possession to be beautiful?
And I realized, I’d been making a huge mistake.
I thought that the only way to appreciate beauty was to own it. To make it mine.
It’s like picking a beautiful flower, or taking a picture of a stunning sunset. Or seeing a gorgeous dress and thinking OMG I HAVE TO HAVE THAT.
I’ve been spending so much time trying to own beauty, whether it came as a moment or an object. I needed to hold, to grab, to keep.
So I thought, what would happen if I just appreciated the black car?
I didn’t try to own it or take it, just let it drive by and appreciate it’s glory, even for a moment?
If instead of owning the moment, I let it pass, and I sat back and appreciated all that it was bringing with it.
And so my “My Black Car Moment” was born. And with it, a new perspective on the beautiful and the ugly.
What if, during a moment of intense anger, I didn’t try to take control and make it mine. What if I took a deep breath and said huh, that’s an interesting feeling passing by. Just think of that freedom. Freedom from wanting things, freedom from the weight of ownership.
I don’t own the black car. I also don’t own beauty. And thank goodness, I don’t own anger. Those things stop by for visits, sometimes they drive by quickly, other times they stay for a few days. But they are not mine.
So, what are you holding onto today?
P.S. I ended up buying a 99 Honda CR-V. It’s White.