The Beloved Space
Forever finding my way back
Hi, I’m Sarah Jo
I have a husband, a house, a business, and a blue heeler.
I have so many things. And yet, here I am. Looking. Seeking. Trying to find the place I feel like my whole self.
I wish I didn’t have bipolar disorder. I wish I was steady and reliable and consistent. I wish I didn’t have to contain my moods to make others comfortable. I wish I could fine a place to be…all of me.
I don’t need a place to find nice words or inspiration. I don’t need a place to be impressive. I don’t need a place to put a polish on my daily life.
I need this space. This beloved space where I can be raw, vulnerable, and completely ridiculous. And every time I find this place, I realize it’s exactly where I am, have been, and will be.
You are welcome here, but please know, what fits nicely on me might be a bit snug around your shoulders. Exploring your mental health can feel strange. Don’t be surprised if you find my words uncomfortable.
With that in mind…
I hope I can help you. I hope my struggles help you see you aren’t alone. I hope my failures and successes are yours. I hope you can cry with me, laugh with me, and feel incredibly uncomfortable with me.
If you are living with mental illness, start here. If you love someone living with a mental illness, start here. And if you don’t like my work, please file your complaints here.
Read
I Am Not a Good Person
I Am Not a Good Person Early in 2017, I invited a person into my life. I really want to do right by this person; provide them with love and understanding. I genuinely believed I was doing the right thing. I was a good person after all. It didn’t take long for this...
All the Reasons My Husband Didn’t Marry Me
All the Reasons My Husband Didn't Marry Me I know, I know. The headline makes little to no sense. But let me explain. This morning, husband and I had a bit of a spat. E.g. he was mad over something I thought was dumb, and I was trying not to laugh, while he was kindly...
The Bipolar Entrepreneur
The Bipolar Entrepreneur I’ve been feeling really sorry for myself lately. Being an entrepreneur is hard. Being Bipolar is hard. Being both is just stupid. So I’ve been throwing several pity parties. Nightly bouts of crying and whining about how much my life sucks...
Coping with a Covert Narcissist
Coping with a Covert Narcissist It didn't start how I expected. It started with good intentions, as most things do. It started with patience and understanding. At least on my end. I extended and extended until I could extend no more. I felt defeated and dumb and...
Subject: We keep running into each other
18, 25 Subject: We keep running into each other I hope it’s ok that I’m emailing you. It seems like I keeprunning into you and I feel like it’s time I say something. I know you want your space, and I get that, but I have to get this off my chest. Sarah, I am so sorry...
And Again, I Weave: Reflections on a Mind Disrupted
And Again, I Weave: Reflections on a Mind Disrupted We lay upon a beautiful carpet. A rug woven from the hands of those who love us. We coo and smile and wriggle our toes. We fight to sit so we can begin to explore the colorful ground underfoot. With time, all clumsy...
2016: The Year of Being Good at Being Bad
2016: The Year of Being Good at Being Bad 2016, by all accounts, hasn’t been a great year for me. Not to sound ungrateful, but I for real screwed a lot of things up this year. I was really bad. Here are some things I'm bad at: *Deep inhale* I’m bad at self-discipline....
Fighting with an Empath
Fighting with an Empath There is a recent fascination with labeling people as empaths. There are all these lists like "20 ways to love an empath," or "10 reasons you should marry an empath." I'm sure you've read seen them floating around. And not to knock them,...
Just Be Sick
I was scrolling through insta the other day and was bombarded with encouraging messages. Which, I'm sure for normal people, is an awesome thing. I'm sure it gets them pumped up and stoked to tackle the day. I assume they become super charged with each sparkly graphic...
The dark days
Climb a mountain to only move a inch. Claw, scrape, dig fingernails in dark, dark, dark dirt. Falling. Failing. Slipping. Once as easy as a wish, moves slow, viscous like honey, but not sweet. Bitter and familiar, this battle. Aching, aching, aching, climbing,...
Three Days Crazy: Day 2
This is part 3 of the Three Days Crazy series. I waited by the breakfast cart while the nice african man called names. My eyes scanned the room, analyzing my options for seating. The inmates were still grouped off at a table, they seemed to be acquainted from...
Falling in Love – Again
Here's the thing about getting back together with an ex boyfriend. You really shouldn't. At least that's what I was telling myself after grabbing lunch with my ex. The conversation had gone well, civil and only a little cold. It was the hug afterwards, outside the BBQ...
Three Days Crazy: Night 1
This is the second installment of my Three Days Crazy series. You can read the first installment here. I stopped crying long enough to notice how hungry I was. I had no idea what time it was, the small rooms didn't have clocks and my cell phone was locked away, along...
Three Days Crazy: Day 1
When I finally made the decision to open my eyes, I was rewarded by a blinding light. I rolled over and grabbed for my soft down comforter. Instead, my hand found a rough knit blanket. Dread washed up my throat and into my mouth. I remembered where I was. I heard a...
Living With Mental Illness
Unfortunately, mental illness isn't often something you beat. You can't fix it or medicate it away. There's a lot of talk about how to ask for help, how to prevent suicide, but I haven't found much on how to live with your demons. Because my bipolar, my depression,...
Married and Depressed: I Lost The Man of My Dreams
When I was 18, I met the love of my life. My soul mate, if you're into that kind of thing. I met him on his 18th birthday, the day before his high school graduation. I had just finished my first year of college and was an absolute disaster of a human. But that didn't...
I’m Back, Bitches
I've started working with a life coach, her name is Madison and she rocks. If you've ever wanted to go from a moderately awesome life to an extra awesome life, you should consider chatting with her. Anyway, the one meeting I've had with her has already blown up my...
Not a Positive Blog Post
I'm sure you've noticed the drop off in posts coming from this side of town. Or maybe you haven't and I just think I'm more important than I really am. I've been busy trying new things that scare me. I've been putting myself out there and I've felt the sharp sting of...
A Strange Addiction
I'm finding myself bored. So. Incredibly. Bored. Even amidst life changes and stressful events, my brain is anxiously awaiting something exciting to happen. I've developed the strangest addiction. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I read somewhere (how's that for a citation)...
I’m Jealous of Balloons
I'm having a rough day. I'm tired and overwhelmed. I made my second cup of coffee today with a cup of coffee. You heard me. I poured coffee back through the coffee maker. It just felt necessary. Technically what I'm experiencing today is a mixed episode of bipolar....